Without You
by ObsessedShadowhunter
Summary: Just a little fic I wrote after reading the series. Takes place right after Clary flees from the Penhallows' after Jace says those terrible things to her. Got the idea from Kelly Clarkson's "My Life Would Suck Without You". One-shot at the moment...


Clary paced her room at Amatis's house slowly, counting her steps as she went. One, two, three, four, five, six, turn. Back and forth, her footfalls echoing eerily in the empty house and vibrating in her ribcage. Jace's words repeated themselves like a mantra in her head as she moved.

"_You're a disaster for us, Clary!"_

Silent tears traced the same path as the ones that had fallen continually since she'd left the Penhallow's house an hour and a half before. She was hollow inside, as if the hurtful things Jace had said had destroyed some part of her. Her heart ached at the belief that he didn't feel for her as she did for him. Weight pressed down on her chest, stealing her breath, slowly crushing her.

The bell rang. Disheartenedly, Clary swiped at her tear stained face and went to answer it.

Opening the door, her heart jumped into her throat in surprise and hope, before hardening in anger. She tried to slam the door shut, but a large black booted foot wedged itself in the way. Knowing it was inevitable, Clary's tearful eyes met Jace's worried gaze. A moment passed before he forced the door open far enough to slip through.

Convinced she was in store for another lecture, Clary retreated into the living room, sitting on the arm of the couch and wrapping herself in her arms as if she could hold herself together that way.

Jace leaned against the entryway, his eyes running over her in a way that made Clary shiver in recognition. Her eyes drank him in that way every time she saw him, even though she tried to hide it. Worry creased his brow at the sight of her wet cheeks, the warring emotions in her eyes. He had done this to her, he knew, made her into the fragile girl he was seeing now. If not for his frustrated and embarrassed outburst, she'd be perfectly fine. But knowing that she had walked in and seen him kissing Aline… It had scared him to death. He'd felt like she'd caught him cheating, and he'd reacted without thinking.

"Clary…" he whispered painfully, feeling a sharp stab in his chest when she looked down at the ground, refusing to meet his gaze. Unable to stand it, he went and knelt before her, taking her face in his hands to make her meet his gaze. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said those things to you."

"Why not?" Her voice was hoarse from crying and she had to swallow before she could continue. "It's true isn't it? You didn't have nearly this much trouble before I came around. I really am a disaster for you." Fresh tears dropped onto the back of his hands, each like a burn.

"No, it isn't. I only said that because I was scared. I thought later that maybe if you hated me you would go back to New York where it's safer." He kissed the hand that raised to touch his cheek, his lips brushing her palm. "I'm a disaster _without_ you. I can't focus when we're not together. I always worry that you're going to need me and I won't be there to protect you. I _need _you, Clary."

"You _destroyed_ me. You did exactly what you were afraid of. And why are you here now? I thought you wanted me to go back to New York."

"Because I can't pretend anymore," he replied. Raising himself onto his knees so they were on the same eye level, he met her gaze and held it, rubbing his thumbs over her cheeks. "Clary-"

"Jace, don't," she begged, somehow knowing what was coming. Her heart swelled, but her stomach dropped at the thought that after this moment, what he said would haunt them both. "We're siblings."

"I don't care," Jace declared. "I love you, and I will love you until I die, and if there's a life after that, I'll love you then."

Then he kissed her

Clary knew that is was wrong, that she shouldn't be letting him do this, but even as the objections and reasons entered her mind, she felt herself sliding to the ground in front of him, pressing herself closer as his lips parted. Her arms circled his neck, his arms circling her waist. How could something so wrong feel this right?

She pulled back, panting for breath, and rested her forehead against his. "Jace, we can't do this. I'm your sis-"

"No," Jace interrupted with finality. "I found something out today." At her surprised look, he smirked arrogantly. Pulling a plain black book from his pocket, he said, "I got angry when I found out Sebastian walked you home earlier today. Put my hand through the window in my room." He held up his hand, wrapped in a bandage, as evidence. "So I went to his room, trying to find something I could put a tracer rune on in case I needed to find him. I found more than I bargained for." He handed her the book, sitting back on his legs. "Read the last entry."

Blinking, she took the book and mimicked his pose, her eyes growing wider the longer she read.

_I'm enjoying watching Jace's misery as I ask about Clary. Ha. Jace thinks he's Jonathan Christopher, Clary's older brother- thinks he's me. Believes he's in love with his own flesh and blood. It's delightful. And to think, if they knew the truth, they could live happily ever after. _

The journal fell from Clary's suddenly numb hands. Jace calmly picked it up and returned it to his pocket before stroking her cheek with the back of his knuckles.

"We're not siblings." It was a whispered statement, Clary's heart racing as the words left her mouth. She met Jace's tawny eyes. "You're not my brother." She cupped his cheek, staring at him in awe.

Jace shook his head before leaning into her touch, reaching up to twine their fingers against his face. "If I hurt you so badly that you don't want me anymore, I'll understand." Clary saw the pain in Jace's eyes as he spoke.

"How could you think that?" Clary demanded. "I don't want anyone but you. I don't even _want_ to want anyone but you." Cupping his face in her hands tenderly, she said. "I love you, Jace."

Unable to contain his joy, he kissed her softly. "Does this mean I'm forgiven?" She could feel his cocky smirk against her lips.

With a blazing smile she answered, "You were forgiven the moment you walked in the door."

She kissed him again, fiercely, their tongues tangling together as their hands caressed faces and arms and shoulders.

Forcing himself to calm down as desire flash burned through his veins, Jace pulled back. "Let's go upstairs."

Clary jerked back, as if stunned. A second later, Jace realized how that must have sounded.

"Not because of that. I just want to hold you." He took her hands in his, kissing the palm of each softly. When Clary nodded, he lifted her to her feet and led the way up the staircase. Clary took the lead at the landing and opened the door to her room, pulling him inside and shutting the door. Clicking the lock closed, Clary kicked off her shoes and climbed into the bed, laying down against the pillows.

Jace followed suit. Once they were settled- Jace on his back with his arm around her shoulder, Clary's head on his chest, curled against his side- he said, "We need to keep this between us until we can apprehend Sebastian. I don't want him trying to hurt us any more." He kissed her hair reverently. "But after we take care of Sebastian and Valentine, I'm going to publically proclaim that you're mine."

Clary laughed softly, warm puffs against his throat. "Fine by me as long as I get to say you're mine."

"I'd love nothing more. Except maybe you." He stroked her hair, pushing some of the unruly curls behind her ear. "I want to stay here tonight."

"Why?" Clary asked. At his hurt look, she elaborated. "Not that I don't want you to. I'm just worried about us getting into trouble."

"I need to be here. I'm afraid Sebastian will come after you. I need to be here to stop him." He tilted her chin up, giving her a chaste peck. "And I want to fall asleep and wake up with you for the first time in my life. The first of many times."

Clary bit her lip, torn. She didn't want Amatis any madder than she already was, but the thought of being held by Jace as she drifted into her dreams- protected, safe, and loved- was too much of a temptation. "Okay."

As the sun set behind the demon towers, they held each other, reveling in the freeing knowledge that the feelings they had weren't wrong. They were natural, normal, and completely right.

She must have dozed off. When Clary awoke later to Jace stroking her hair lovingly, she found her legs tangled in the hem of her nightgown- which she hadn't put on herself. As she moved to disentangle the offending garment, she realized Jace was bare chested, his rune scars giving her a naughty image of tracing them with her tongue.

Shaking her head to clear her mind, she looked up at Jace with a raised eyebrow. "How did I get into my pajamas?"

Arrogant smirk twisting his mouth, Jace wiggled his eyebrows. "Shouldn't you be more worried about how you clothes came off in the first place?"

Clary rolled her eyes. Same old Jace. Letting it go, she asked, "What time is it?"

Jace looked out the window. "3 a.m., give or take."

Yawning, Clary cuddled back into Jace. He held her tightly, his fingers drawing patterns on her arm. "I wish we could stay this way forever," Jace murmured. "We have so much time to make up for."

"I hope we have time," she said sleepily.

"Why wouldn't we?" He pulled back to peer into her face.

"Valentine," Clary replied. "And Sebastian. They're dangerous themselves, but with two-thirds of the Mortal Instruments? And we have no idea where the Mirror is. Who knows what they have planned, especially for us." She traced his face with her eyes as if memorizing it.

"It doesn't matter," Jace told her, pressing her against his side as if he could absorb her. "As long as we're together, we have the power to beat them."

With a smile, Clary laid her head back on his chest, the beating of his heart a life-giving and sustaining lullaby. It was the most important sound in her universe.

Jace kissed her hair, wrapping his arms around her. "Sleep now, Clary. Tomorrow will be another long, hard day, but we'll make it, together. Just know that you're the only one who holds my heart or ever will." He smoothed his hand along her cheek as her breathing deepened. "When this is over, I'll prove it to you. Sweet dreams, my angel. I love you."

And with those last whispered words, Jace joined Clary in slumber.

**As promised, here are the names of my other fics: ****Believe**** and ****I Get Off****. Both are total fluff pieces, with definite adult content. Please read and review them. I'm working on yet another one right now. And don't forget to check out ****Book of Broken Dreams****, my TMI poetry series. :D**


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